


Of Rubbery Turkey and Broken Noses

by The3rdTrumpeteer



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, and the bois are really bad at cooking, don't put turkeys in microwaves, it's thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 22:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The3rdTrumpeteer/pseuds/The3rdTrumpeteer
Summary: Hosting Friendsgiving is harder than it looks.





	Of Rubbery Turkey and Broken Noses

“How are we supposed to host Thanksgiving?” Davey asked, obviously already stressed as he pulled ingredients from the small refrigerator. “We barely have enough room for the four of us, let alone, what, thirteen others?”

“Quit worrying,” Jack said as he tried to slide around him and nearly face-planted on the hot stove. “This is gonna go great. We have all the stuff we need, you and Crutchie are great at cooking, and we still have four hours until everyone arrives.”

“Yeah!” Crutchie grabbed some bowls from a cabinet and handed them to Race, who set them on the table. “You ready to get started, Davey?”

“Yep.” Davey looked back into the fridge, closed it, opened it again, and frowned. “Hey, where’s the turkey?”

“In the fridge.” Race was already distracted, scrolling through his phone and eating a candy bar. “We bought it last night, remember?”

“There’s no turkey in the fridge.”

They all crowded behind Davey and looked, and there was, in fact, no turkey in the fridge.

“Um...” Crutchie turned to Jack. “Yeah, we bought a turkey, right?”

“We were all there in the store,” Jack replied. “Oh, wait.” He reached over Davey and opened the freezer, and there it was - twenty-five pounds of rock-hard, frozen turkey.

“Shit.” Jack put a hand on his face. “Now I remember. There wasn’t any room in the fridge ‘cause of all the other stuff. So we...put it in the freezer.”

“...and didn’t take it out.” Davey grabbed the turkey from the freezer and set it on the counter with a soft  _clunk!_ “Well, uh...this isn’t good.”

“How long can it take to defrost a turkey, anyway?” Race asked. He typed in something on his phone. “...oh.”

“There’s no time,” Davey said. “Can we even have Thanksgiving without turkey?”

“We’re gonna have a turkey,” Jack said. “Maybe we can just defrost it really fast. In the oven.”

Davey sighed. “Fine. Give it a try. You think it might work, Crutchie?”

Crutchie shrugged. “I don’t have a better idea, so we might as well.”

A few minutes later, the turkey was sitting in a big dish in the oven. Davey turned the dial-

-and nothing happened.

“The oven is broken. Why is the oven broken?” Davey looked like he might cry. “That’s it. Thanksgiving is cursed.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Jack patted his roommate on the back. "We just, uh, won’t make any food. Good thing it’s a potluck. Hey, can you text your mom?”

“Why?”

“To, uh...maybe ask her how long it might take to microwave a twenty-five pound turkey.”

Davey looked at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I mean, what other option do we have?”

“She’s gonna think we’re idiots,” Davey said even as he pulled his phone from his pocket and started typing.

“Let’s be real,” Race said. “I think it’s safe to say she already thinks we’re idiots.”

"Hopefully she’ll text back soon,” Crutchie said.

\---

Message to: Mama

_I hate to ask...do you know how long it takes to microwave a 25lb turkey?_

Message from: Mama

_what?_

Message to: Mama

_we’re having friendsgiving issues. the turkey was in the freezer and the oven is broken. how long does it take to microwave a 25lb turkey?_

Message from: Mama

_please don’t microwave that poor bird._

\---

Davey sighed and put down his phone. “Well, she can’t give us an answer, and she definitely thinks we’re idiots. Also, I’m not sure we can actually microwave a turkey.”

“We can try.” Jack was already trying to stuff the turkey into the microwave. “It fits if I take the turntable out.” He set the microwave for sixty minutes.

“And now we wait,” Crutchie said. “How many grocery stores around here are open?”

“Maybe the one on the corner,” Race replied. “Why?”

“We need to get something for dinner,” Crutchie said, already grabbing his coat. “Y’know, in case this whole radioactive turkey plan doesn’t pan out. Maybe sandwiches or something.”

“Yeah, fine.” Race shoved his feet into his shoes. “Davey, Jack, you wanna come?”

“Nah,” Jack said. “I should keep an eye on the turkey.”

“And I should keep an eye on Jack,” Davey said, only half-jokingly. Jack playfully punched him in the arm.

“Alright,” Crutchie said, “we’ll be back in a couple minutes.”

Half an hour later, Crutchie and Race still weren’t back, the entire apartment smelled like turkey, and the meat in the microwave may have started bubbling, but it was hard to tell.

“Where are they?” Davey took his phone off of his ear; he had just called Crutchie for the third time in ten minutes. “The grocery store is, like, a block away.”

“Maybe the lines were long.”

“It’s Thanksgiving. No one’s out.”

“Maybe the store was closed and they had to go-”

The door to the apartment opened, interrupting Jack. Davey sighed with relief.

“Finally! What happened to you...” Davey stopped and took in the sight that greeted him. “Fuck.”

Crutchie, struggling under the weight of a bleeding Race, still managed a small grin. “It’s just his nose. It’s bleeding a lot, though, could you help?”

Davey nodded, and he and Jack hurried over to help. They helped Race sit down on the couch, and Davey grabbed a damp rag. He started wiping at Race’s face. “What happened?”

“He tried to fight someone at the store,” Crutchie said.

“That’s a lie,” Race said. “We just had a...disagreement.”

“Over ready-made stuffing.”

“There was only one left! So I tried to grab it--ow, Davey!” Race batted at Davey’s hand. “But guess what?”

“What?”

Race grinned, though the expression was more than a little gruesome given that there was blood on his teeth. “We got the stuffing.”

“And a broken nose,” Davey said. “Was it worth it?”

“Of course. We can just microwave the stuffing once the turkey’s done-”

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

“That’s the fire alarm!” Jack ran to the kitchen and opened the microwave. Smoke immediately spilled out. “Shit, shit!”

“Get the turkey out!” Crutchie grabbed an oven mitt and threw it at Jack, who pulled the smoking, burnt turkey out and dropped it onto the counter. Davey shoved the bloody rag at Race and hurried to open a few windows.

It took a few minutes, but soon enough of the smoke was gone that the fire alarm ceased. The four of them, Race holding the rag over his face, gathered around the counter.

“I think it’s moving,” Crutchie said.

“Nah, it’s just bubbling from the microwave.” Jack poked the turkey a little. “It’s really squishy.”

Disgusting.” Davey wrinkled his nose. “We should just throw it away, It might give us radiation poisoning or something.”

“Crutchie, you were right,” Race said, his voice muffled by the rag. “We should have just grabbed stuff for sandwiches.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr: @poorguysheadisdoingwhatnow


End file.
